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I served as Blues Society of the Lower Cape Fear Secretary for several years. Among other duties, I produced the organization's monthly newsletter. During that time, a number of other blues societies around the country reprinted some of my articles, whch were apparently unique to the medium. Some examples follow
L.L. NED XMAS CATALOG EXCERPTS (12/89)
Whether you have the blues or not, Christmas is just around the corner, and, as Old YellowEyed Ned always says at this time of year, "Merry Christmas, Baby / Why don't you treat me right / Now maybe I ain't Santa / But let me ride yo' sleigh tonight." To assist with your holiday shopping needs, reprinted below are catalog descriptions of some of the most popular items offered by L. L. Ned Blues and Sporting Specialties of Freedrinks, Maine.
L. L. Ned's Inflatable Blueswoman > For bluesmen who occasionally lose inspiration, all it takes to bring it back is L. L. Ned's Inflatable Blueswoman and a few seconds with any common household hairdryer or bicycle pump. Comes complete with huge debts, seven inflatable blueschildren who need expensive dental work immediately, and your choice of complaint themes Model OYEN 2/J (Shirley) incessantly nags you in shrill tones about drinking too much, Deluxe Model OYEN 2/K (Rodanthe) with pat. pending "ArmFlail" technology and optional rolling pin accuses you of being unfaithful and does something about it. Guaranteed to give you the blues or your money back.
L. L. Ned's DownEast Doobie Dust > Be the life of the party with Old YellowEyed Ned's own conjure bag recipe, offered here for the first time without previous purchase requirement! Amaze your friends. Make your inlaws bark like dogs! A careful mixture of graveyard dust, black cat bones, black pepper and a pinch of High John the Conqueror root, skillfully blended during a full moon by the seventh son of a seventh son, L. L. Ned's DownEast Doobie Dust can turn any dull social occasion into a lively, memorable affair. Make your neighbor fall in love with a lava lamp. Levitate guests, or just their clothing, at a whim. For approximately the price you'd pay for a bottle of good gin, . L. Ned's DownEast Doobie Dust can provide hours of wholesome fun that no one will object to, especially after a touch of the Dust in their drinks forces them to start coughing up snake eggs and gyrating mindlessly.
L. L. Ned's Town & Country Accordion > Equally superfluous in the boardroom or on the slopes, this item was once described as "the official musical instrument of Hell." Thoughtful engineering guarantees that the L. L. Ned Town & Country Accordion will require three hands to operate and a chainsaw (see age 38) to destroy. Garish synthetic fiber strap offers a snug fit that remains asphyxiating through months of frenzied use. Keeps snow out of open collars, too!
SEPTEMBER BLUESOLOGICAL FORECAST (9/88)
Sign of the E String (Birthdatel/242/23) -- You have a hangover, your baby's gone, and your car won't start. Watch Freight Trains.
Sign of the Twist Top (Birthdate2/243/23) -- You have a hangover, your baby's gone, and nobody loves you but your mother, and she could be jiving, too.
Sign of the Freight Train (Birthdate3/244/ 23) -- You have a hangover, your baby's gone, and your children don't all look like you.
Sign of the Pork Pie (Birthdate4/245/23) -- You have a hangover, your baby's gone, and Big Boss Man will hit you on your head today.
Sign of the Blues Harp (Birthdate5/ 246/ 23) -- You have a hangover, your baby's gone, and there ain't no juice in your lemon. Steer clear of '38 Pontiacs.
Sign of the Gin Bottle (Birthdate6/247/23) -- You have a hangover, your baby's gone, and there's holes all in your shoes.
Sign of the '38 Pontiac ( Birthdate7 / 248 /23) -- You have a hangover, your baby's gone, and the mule up and died
Sign of the Sunglasses (Birthdate8/249/23) -- You have a hangover, your baby's gone, and your mojo ain't workin'. A trip to the Root Doctor is called for.
Sign of the Tenor Sax (Birthdate9/2410/23) -- You have a hangover, your baby's gone, and your mama just didn't know what Caldonia was puttin' down.
Sign of the Mad Dog (Birthdate 10/2411/23) -- You have a hangover, your baby's gone, and between your baby and Uncle Sam, it's hard to tell whose fool you am.
Sign of the Terraplane (Birthdate 11/2412/23) -- You have a hangover, your baby's gone, and if you pay your bills, you can't pay your rent.
Sign of the Chesterfields (Birthdatel2/241/23) -- You have a hangover, your baby's gone, and a matchbox holds your clothes.
These pages describe the delusions, fantasies &