Travel Brochures Helpful

(originally printed in Encore Magazine 12/3/87)

"The value of leisure in coping with stress is of tremendous value to the entrepreneur." -- Dr. Thomas Long, Maricultura, Wrightsville Beach.

The above injunction, with the substitution of the phrase, "gin and cigarettes" for the word, 'leisure," is one I've followed for years, and I believe many others have done the same. My belief that many people attempt to cope with stress via gin and cigarettes is based on the composition of vitamins designed for stress sufferers. Tobacco robs the body of vitamin C, and alcohol leaches away vitamin B12, and stress vitamins are always high in C and B10. This implies to me that stress sufferers consume more alcohol and tobacco than nonstress sufferers. As I've been impressed by Dr. Long's accomplishments and thinking, however, I recently made a field trip through North Carolina in search of leisure. Gin and cigarettes I've already found.

"Leisure" is not a synonym for "vacation." Vacationers go to New York, where, often sustained only by the offerings of street venders recruited in Cartagena, Sri Lanka, and the Seventh Circle of Dante's Inferno, they throw themselves into hectic, exhausting activities. Vacationers go on package tours to Europe, where Nazi tour guides goosestep them through museums, government buildings, and peculiar neighborhoods for 20 hours a day, then give exotic diseases to their daughters. Those who seek "leisure," rather than "vacations" thought I might have more luck in my search within the borders of our fair "Tarheel State." So I hit the road.

My first stop was Spivey's Corner, a quaint hamlet which bills itself as "the Hollerin' Capital of the World." "This," thought I, "is where I want to raise my children." I pulled into an antique store/watermelon stand/self serve gas station/convenience stare/lawn chic emporium off Highway 421 and, in a "When in Rome ..." frame of mind, announced my presence to the clerk --"HEY, BUBBA, WHERE DO YOU KEEP THE SUNDROP AND WHERE'D YOU GET THOSE CLOTHES!?!?!?!?!," hollering, of course, as well as I could.

He jumped about ten feet in the air, and so I figured he wasn't a Spivey's Corner native, though he seemed pleasant enough and thanked me kindly for helping him out of the rafters. He was, however, a bit reticent about his garmentshopping habits, so, Sundrop in hand, I departed, looking forward to my next stop, Franklin, touted in a colorful, slick brochure as the "Gem & Quilt Capital of the World/"

How soundly Franklin's industrious citizens must sleep, knowing that their economy is so solidly based. Franklin's brochure invites you "to spend your vacation looking for rubies, sapphires and other precious stones in this rockhound's paradise." Dozens of people were taking this offer seriously as I drove through Franklin, and I had to take extra care on the highway to avoid the backsides of rockhounds who were bending over right by the roadside in search of gems. Indeed, in my anxiety over these rockhounds, who, for all I know, might be an endangered species, I abandoned Franklin, quiltless and disappointed, and went on to Durham.

Durham modestly makes no brochure claims to be the capital of anything, but does blushingly reveal in a predominantly gray and spoiled salmon tourist folder that it is the "City of Sports and Recreation," the "City of Medicine," the "City of the Arts;' the "City With a Heritage," and the "City of Education." As you might suspect, this delightful set of community attributes makes for a busy itinerary, especially when, once you get into the city limits, you learn that Durham is also the "City of Demonic Traffic Engineers." There are two Duke Streets and three Roxborough Roads, and the strategically placed traffic loops that make one lose all sense of direction are a nice touch. If you decide to spend a leisurely afternoon in Durham, be sure to take along a sleeping bag and a change of clothes. If you can find leisure in Durham, then I am impressed. Finding Northgate Mall two times out of three is about the best I can do there. When planning these mind-and-soul regenerating excursions through North Carolina, it is wise to make your first stop the Greater Wilmington Chamber of Commerce, where brochures for all of our colorful communities may be found, as well as literature from neighboring states. This is an interesting point -- Jeannine Gurganus, who keeps the promotional bins at the Chamber stocked, tells me that the Myrtle Beach Chamber of Commerce will not display any literature from other areas. What's the problem, Sister City to the south -- afraid of the competition?

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